Over hyped by the tabloids due to the involvement of Katie Price’s current husband, Alex Reid, Liam Galvin’s SOV gangster flick is an exercise in unashamed trash that will probably do quite well on the DVD rental lists due to its cast of real-life heavies and silicon enhanced glamour girls whose legion of admirers probably wouldn’t recognize true talent if was emblazoned on their chav caps.
KILLER BITCH begins hilariously with softcore footage of low budget pornster Ben Dover having sex with standard porn clone Cindy Behr (think fake breasts, tan, and peroxide) intercut with several scenes of low budget violence where we witness various real life underworld and porn industry workers being assassinated. The sequence ends with a dragged out scene of Dover having his throat cut. The film cuts to deserted warehouse/factory where suicidal Yvette (Yvette Rowland) contemplates ending it all as it transpires her lover was one of the murdered heavies in the previous sequence. Unknown to her she has been followed by a bald headed heavy who is shot dead by the sudden appearance of ex-Chelsea Headhunter and the subject of a Donal MacIntyre expose several years back, Jason Marriner. Marriner takes her to his boss, ex-West Ham football hooligan and bouncer Cass Pennant who is given an ultimatum: kill five strangers on his hit list, or her friends and family will be butchered. Armed with loaded gun she sets off on her mission into the underworlds or organised crime, unlicensed boxing, cage fighting and porn film industry to track down her targets. The film is almost a who’s who of the underworld with cameos from the likes of Dave Courtney, Carlton Leach, Mitch Pyle, Roy Shaw, and the not so dangerous Howard Marks alongside fighters Joe Egan, ’Stormin Norman’ Buckland, Karlos Vemola, and glamour models Jessica Bast, Hannah Claydon, Donna Duke, Camilla Quance and Sky TVX lads favourite Paris.
To be fair, the movie doesn’t take itself too seriously. The violence is comical, intentionally or not, with punches and kicks clearly missing their targets by a country mile. Bullets and knife wounds are plentiful but all we see are the aftermath, mostly of heads with extremely amateurish blood effects that look as fake as the film’s women, all of whom lose their clothes in sequences that are reminiscent of their late night antics on cable. The script is ridden with expletives with virtually every sentence replacing an adjective with a “fuckin’” and whilst the colourful language was undoubtedly included for its humorous effect it soon becomes tedious.
Equally hilarious are the zoom sleazy close-ups of thrusting buttocks and bouncing breasts during the films numerous sexual encounters, of which Dover and Behr’s appears authentic. The film’s most touted scene, erroneously reported by a couple of tabloids to feature Alex Reid, involves a gang rape on a woman that reduces the horror to one of farce, as the camera seems more concerned with capturing the chubby arse cheeks of one of the rapists, adding a homoerotic undercurrent to proceedings that won’t go down too well with most of the film’s audience.
The level of acting is dire, but you can’t expect much from a cast that probably think Shakespeare was a tribal weapon. Most astonishing is the zombified performance of Yvette Rowland, who despite all the mayhem taking place to, and around, her looks decidedly nonchalant for much of the proceedings, but then she’s probably become desensitised to these levels of gangster antics following a career making documentaries for Gangster Videos with director Galvin. Also worth a mention are the hilariously over the top turns by former WBC Super Middleweight World Boxing Champion Robin ’The Grim Reaper’ Reid and Former Irish Heavyweight Champion Joe Egan as gun toting heavies whose raging performances equal the aggression they showed inside the boxing ring. Combined with Marriner’s laid back turn as a trigger happy hitman and Alex Reid’s awful turn as a cage fighter who comes to the aid of Yvette, we have a film loaded with performances that whilst atrocious prove oddly beguiling at the same time.
The movie’s highlights, for this viewer at least, involve gun-totting dwarf, Sarah Bennett, being thrown from a rooftop and Dave Courtney’s hilarious scene in which he runs down the stairs following an attack with his wedding tackle in few view.
Due to the complete insanity of it all, KILLER BITCH will possibly find its way onto cult movie lists for all the wrong reasons. It’s poorly conceived in every way and without an iota of political correctness. Apparently Alex Reid, having half-completed his role, and at the behest of his partner Katie Price following her private viewing of her beau-to-be’s much vaunted sex scene, failed to return to the set, but there’s so much anarchy involved with the script, you’d hardly notice the little improvisation required to fix the problem.
Carl T. Ford
Directed by Liam Galvin
English language / UK / 2010 / 92 Mins / Colour / Rated 18
Region 2 / PAL
A Kaleidoscope Entertainment DVD release
Region 2 DVD (UK)
Release date 3rd May, 2010