For Seduction Cinema fans, SPIDERBABE is, perhaps, the most eagerly awaited title of 2003, with its stable star Misty Mundae fast becoming an international pin-up for members of both sexes for her charismatic performances in an array of cult features aimed at the softcore exploitation crowd. This time around, having spoofed several box office science fiction/fantasy giants with the likes of MUMMY RAIDER, PLAY-MATE OF THE APES, and LORD OF THE G-STRINGS: THE FEMALESHIP OF THE STRINGS, it comes as no surprise to find Misty spinning her seductive web in a parody of the superhero genre.
Misty plays Patricia Porker, a shy daydreamer, who yearns for a more exciting lifestyle. This she gets courtesy of a bite from a spider that her science tutor, Dr. Dowell (Michael R. Thomas) has genetically modified. In this case, however, the spider is endowed with a heightened libido as well as super strength. This results in Patricia taking full advantage of her new powers in order to sate her sexual fantasies. Having scaled a NY office tower, she delights ogling the scantily clad charms of gorgeous newcomer C. J. DiMarsico, and then retreats to her home where a masturbatory daydream results in Patricia shooting sticky spiderwebs from an orifice that would have got Marvel in trouble with the Comics Code Authority.
After donning a sexy Goth costume replete with black lace spider web stockings and gloves, along with the de rigeur face mask, our intrepid heroine makes her way to Madison Square Gardens as she’s itching to test her new found spider sense. Into the wrestling-ring, jumps big-breasted Queen Bee (Shelby Taylor) who makes mincemeat of two fat Santo-types, before accepting a challenge from Spiderbabe. Needless to say, the costumes don’t stay on long as these two go at it slammer and tongues, taking it in turns to put the other on the ropes before Queen Bee’s eventually takes a dive – for Misty’s muff, which results in Spiderbabe winning the contest.
On the way home, Patricia spies a crowd who have gathered around a murder scene. The victim is her Uncle Flem (Peter Quarry) whose killer Patricia could have apprehended earlier. After discovering the murderer in a warehouse, she karate chops and leaves the criminal entangled in her web. Deciding where her responsibilities now lie, Spiderbabe decides to switch from cat-fighting to crime-fighting.
Meanwhile, scheming, college dean, Lucinda Knoxx (Julian Wells), the sister of Patricia’s best friend Lisa (Darian Caine), isn’t too pleased to discover that Dr Dowell’s multi-million dollar mutant spider is now dead, and now plans on acquiring a few special skills of her own. Following a hot scene in which she gets down and dirty with employee Sally (Kelli Summers), the evil super-bitch puts herself in-line for genetic mutation and transforms into The Femtillian (a rather clever play on the Spider-Man comic villain, ‘The Reptile’).
The two hyper-sexed characters take to the Manhattan streets, and decide the town’s not big enough for the two of them. In between, Spiderbabe rescues a hooker (Ruby LaRocca) from a gang of Droog look-a-likes led by LORD OF THE G-STRINGS director Terry M. West, indulges in some upside down tonsil tickling (must try that at home, folks) with her boyfriend Mark (Adam Cox). She also has to contend with the hilarious dominatrix lifestyle of Aunt Maybe (Bubbles Vavoom) who gets to administer light spankings to Terry West (in another cameo) who looks a natural for infantilism.
It’s all whacky stuff, with some great gags aimed at both Seduction Cinema fans and comic strip readers. The cameos in this film are especially fun, Michael R. Thomas delivers a particularly ham-fisted performance when pining over the death of his “amorous” arachnid, and equally cool is Bubbles VaVoom (isn’t that a character from a Droopy game-console?) as the cuddly aunt from hell. The characterisations are, naturally, over the top; look out for a turn by Justin Wingenfeld as the class nerd who never gets laid, supplying viewers with the best raspberry blowing show since Paul A Partain blew farts from the mouth of invalid Franklin in Hooper’s THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.
Interestingly, both Misty and Darian are cast somewhat against type as goofy teens. Sadly, Darian doesn’t get to strip, but Misty does share a rare love scene with a guy (Cox). Julian Wells is used to the villainous role, and turns in another no-nonsense portrayal as sexual predator, a role she carried off so well in DR JEKYLL & MISTRESS HYDE and SIN SISTERS.
Another Seduction babe regretfully underused is Ruby LaRocca whose alley antics with John Nosnam end up on the cutting room floor for pacing reasons. Thankfully, they do find their way onto a fabulous array of extras that include three “Naughty” deleted scenes that consist of further heterosexual encounters between an office stud played by Darren Paly, Wells, and a particularly spicy scene with Kelli Summers. The lucky git was paid, no doubt, for the privilege too!
As far as cameos go, SPIDER-BABE’s walk-one and extras seem like a role call for New York’s exploitation film scene, aside from West, other blighters getting to share scene time with the gorgeous gals include Josh Robinson (BLOOD FOR THE MUSE), John Bacchus, and SPIDERBABE’s director Johnny Crash. The shooting must have been a riot and is chronicled within a series of extras for this special 2-disc edition, that also includes interviews, and behind the scenes coverage.
Fans of fashion design, will also delight in an informative, albeit brief, inclusion of a “Making the Costume” extra that displays several costume concepts that didn’t make it to screen, and reveals further details as regards the private life of Miss Mundae. Rubber fetishists maybe disappointed to learn that Misty has an allergy to latex, so don’t go expecting her to turn up on a cover of SKIN TWO in the near future.
Overall, this 2-disc collector’s edition is a fabulous presentation, an excellent example of independent filmmaking and packaging for purveyors of the finest female eye-candy. Director Johnny Crash has outdone himself here: SPIDERBABE is provocative eroticism for aficianados of exploitation cinema that takes itself none too seriously. May the Seduction Cinema army march ever onwards!
Carl T. Ford
Directed by Johnny Crash
English language / Spanish dubbed alternative
USA / 2003 / 89 minutes approx (unrated version)
SPECIAL 2-DISC DVD FEATURES
A Seduction Cinema DVD Release
All Region. NTSC. Stereo. Widescreen 1.85:1 16/9
SPIDERBABE (Unrated 2-Disc Collectors edition)